Somewhere in an alternate reality there's a TJ dragon and the Lagmonster fighting. The Lagmonster has 404 and 502 ERROR machine guns, along with many clones of himself, each different colors. They all have 404 and 502 guns as well, but have no gender, unlike the Lagmonster, which is a male. The TJ dragon has every single dragon of the cave on his side, who are firing cannons with the essence of 42 in them (the Lagmonsters' weakness). When a Lagmonster is hit with the essence of 42, it turns black with green text all over it, then disappears. The true Lagmonster is lost somewhere in the crowd of cloned Lagmonsters. The essence of 42 is invisible to all humans because its level of epic cannot be comprehended by our brain. However, dragons see it just fine. To them it looks like a bright, glowing blue substance. Also, whenever the Lagmonster appears the Darth Vader music starts playing.
When the Lagmonster clones are shot with the essence of 42, they are wiped out of existence. However, if the essence of 42 hits the real Lagmonster, he disappears as well, but is instead banished to the Badlands, where he preys on small, poorly protected websites. The Dragon Cave is located very far away from here, but the Lagmonster travels quickly. Those little slowings of the cave? That's one of the Lagmonster's servants, a Slowbot, lurking around and seeing if the time is right for an invasion. The typical "right time" is known only to the Lagmonster itself. Along with clones of itself, the Lagmonster has Slowbots, the enigmatic PLEs (Page Load Errors) and three Crashmonsters, hatched and grown up by the Lagmonster itself. Oh, they were normal little eggs, a long time ago. But hatred, anger and envy whispered into their ears by the Lagmonster twisted their minds and eventually their bodies into Crashmonsters.
If the Lagmonster clone is shot with small or impure (or both)dosage of the essence of 42, it simply is teleported to someone's scroll and turned from a rabid dragon killing-machine into a sweet, harmless little sprite. If the Lagmonster clone is shot with a large or very pure (or both) dosage of essence of 42, it is completely wiped from existence. Most of the cannons are filled with the middle of this, which can causes both. It depends on which side of the line the essence of 42 is on; small and/or impure or large and/or very pure.
The Lagmonster was once a dragon, long before many of the egg thieves came to the Dragon Cave. What breed he was, it was impossible to say, for none remember. He hatched under the watchful guidance of a kind mother dragon, which took care of him as one of her own, despite not being her child. The Lagmonster's "mother", however, was one day brutally killed by her owner. His mother's master was very mad at the Lagmonster's adoptive figure for raising a hatchling from the wild that the master would have to take care of. This master drove out to the edges of the Badlands and abandoned the young Lagmonster, oblivious to the doom and destruction this one little hatchling would cause. On that day, the Lagmonster vowed revenge for his mother against all humans. He explored the Badlands, his body and mind horribly twisted from a normal dragon into what he is today. The Lagmonster found many broken or run-down machines in the Badlands. Due to some unknown force, he learned how to construct the first primitive Slowbots by using a computer with parts taken from other dilapidated machines found in that desolate place.
Time passed. The Lagmonster became an adult, a horrible, twisted thing with machinery and wiring imbedded into his very soul. He sent out the first modern Slowbots to the Dragon Cave. They came back reporting a mysterious omnipresence surrounding it. It seemed to take the appearance of a blue and gray dragon, with diamonds that were equally blue and gray surrounding it, surrounded by a blue glow. Whenever a Slowbot came close to this dragon, it would take out a large red mallet with the word "BAN" in it in dark blue letters, and smash the Slowbot to pieces. The Slowbot said that this dragon was called "TJ09" or simply "TJ," and the dragons there worshiped him. The Lagmonster knew he had magics undreamed of even by him, and vowed to take the Dragon Cave back.
Eventually, a Slowbot came back to the Lagmonster with wonderful news; TJ was gone! There was no blue glow or blue and gray diamonds to be seen. The Lagmonster cackled, and, with all of his forces, traveled to the Dragon Cave, on March 17th, 2009.
The Lagmonster came to the peaceful Dragon Cave on March 17th, 2009, at 1 am in the morning. All of the dragons were asleep, and there was no sign of this "TJ". The Lagmonster smiled, and started to cause destruction. Firstly, he set up a large wall of fire in front of the cave entrance. This wall was impassible, and no being could get inside or out, save the Lagmonster himself. He wanted to torment the captive dragons inside, remind them that their precious TJ wasn't there for them this time. Second, the Lagmonster took a large number of the clones of himself the Lagmonster had made and of the PLEs he was experimenting with and set them up outside of the Cave, to make sure those pesky humans didn't try anything funny. Lastly, the Lagmonster set up the camera he had brought, and gingerly pressed the red record button. This is what he said:
Hello, humans that regularly visit this Dragon Cave. As you have probably noticed by now, I have set up impenetrable defenses around your precious dragons, including a fire wall and many of my minions. My demands are simple: Leave. Never come to this cave again with your vile stink and taint, stealing these dragons' eggs and hatchlings to grow up and brainwash to be collector's items and novelties. LEAVE, and I will free your dragons. On my word on honor, I shall not harm a scale on their heads.
The Lagmonster was telling the truth, albeit a strange half-truth. He wouldn't harm a scale on their heads. He would just strike terror into their hearts and have the little ones traumatized forever. As the Lagmonster left, he smiled to himself and thought, All in a day's work.
Immediately TJ, who was far away defending another world, sensed that his Dragon Cave had been trapped. He came to the Dragon Cave as soon as he could, but it was too late. Humans outside, wearing green, were wailing and moaning about not being able to see their dragons, and TJ could sense dragons wailing and moaning on the inside as well. It was time to save the Dragon Cave. First, TJ tried to go to the cave entrance, behind the PLEs, Lagmonster clones and fire wall. He succeeded in baiting the guards with some cheese (the PLEs and Lagmonster clones' true love; the Lagmonster has no weakness such as this), but couldn't get past the firewall.
As TJ kept trying to break through, he noticed a Lagmonster clone watching him. However, this one wasn't attacking him, nor did it have any weapons of a kind. It looked…sad, and lonely as well. He stepped over to the clone and asked why he was there. "Well, I'm supposed to be guarding the cave. But I don't agree with any of my master's policies. Your dragons shouldn't be trapped in there. My master, he torments them." TJ nodded, then a few fireflies flew over his head, glowing. He had an idea.
TJ told the Lagmonster clone to go into the fire wall. "But I can't. Only the master can!" the clone wailed. "Just go, go, go!" TJ said, pushing the Lagmonster clone in. TJ waited for a few seconds. No Lagmonster clone being spat back out! That that was when TJ realized the Lagmonster's mistake. For the Lagmonster, in making clones of himself, had made his one true flaw in the plan. If there was a Lagmonster, who disagreed with his "master", it could go into the fire wall as well.
The humans jumped for joy when they saw the fire wall fade, the PLEs and other Lagmonster clones run away in terror, and their dragons come running out, hugging and being hugged by their humans. The last one to come out was the Lagmonster clone. He started to speak, but TJ stopped him and had him stand by the Cave entrance, explaining what had happened to every individual who wanted to hear.
Meanwhile, a few days from then, the Lagmonster heard a report from a Slowbot. "How? HOW?!" he exclaimed angrily. The Lagmonster sent the Slowbot away. As the Bot left the Lagmonster's room, these words could be heard, "New plan... crashmonsters... TJ far away..."