Current release

Valentine's Day 2017
Past Valentine's Dragons Breedable

''Starting now, and continuing for seven full days (until 23:59 on February 14, Valentine's Day), past Valentine's event dragons will be breedable. As usual, past dragons may breed multiple eggs, though you will only be able to keep one. There are no limits on how many of these can be obtained (unlike grabbing event dragons from the cave).''

New Dragon

''A new Valentine's Day dragon will be released at midnight on Valentine's Day, and will drop for three days until February 17 at 23:59. This is the only time it will be available from the cave.''

Valentine's Day Event

''Just like last year, a special Valentine's Day event will begin at midnight on Valentine's Day, coinciding with the release. The event will run for seven full days, ending on February 20 at 23:59).''

And unlike the past three years, there are (thankfully) no plans for datacenter work anywhere near this event.

New Valentine's Day Dragon: Soulstone
Fact:
 * This dragon is female.
 * TJ09 has secured 2 of these dragons with the codes "purpl" and "pearl".
 * When sorting your scroll by breed this dragon was initially placed after Celestial but before Cheese.

Rumour:
 * The sprite set may later get polished and updated to match the current DC standards.

Additional Information

 * Old replacement sprites:
 * [[File:Cermorvus egg.gif]] [[File:Cermorvus hatchi.png]] [[File:Cermorvus mature hatchi.png]] [[File:Cermorvus adult.png]]
 * [[File:Cermorvus egg.gif]] [[File:Cermorvus crack 1.png]] [[File:Cermorvus crack 2.png]] [[File:Cermorvus crack 3.png]] [[File:Cermorvus crack 4.png]] [[File:Cermorvus crack 5.png]] [[File:Cermorvus dead egg.gif]]


 * The hatchling description used to be: "Aww... It’s a cute baby dragon. It has a shimmering pearl balancing on its antlers."
 * The adult descriptions used to be: "Cermorvus dragons are said to be the true matchmakers of the dragon world, guiding many to their predicted mate that is seen in the mysterious pearl they carry atop their antlers. The sweet scent that billows from their flowery wings is particularly potent in mid-winter, when these large dragons are mostly active. Although due to the beautiful sheen of their antlers and the shimmering pearl they carry, these gentle dragons were hunted to near extinction."
 * Shortly before TJ09's dragons reached adulthood, the entire sprite series, as well as certain descriptions, were changed so that they carried pearls with their claws instead of on their antlers:


 * Regarding the reasons for the change:


 * Follow up to this comment, TJ09 made a statement explaining what happened during this event.

[[File:Vday 2017 trophy.gif]] Valentine's Day Event
''We've created an all new type of text adventure—as long as you ignore everything that's happened in text adventures since the 1970’s. Navigate your way through the world by typing in your own commands. Steal from dragons if you please. Steal from squirrels if you dare. Go on a date with a spider (or swing your sword at it). The choice is yours.''

Valentine’s Day Event ''Your trip to the Pink Dragon Café appears to have been interrupted. But by what?''

Event Script/Dialogue

Show/Hide

Dragon's Lair

You wake up with a bad headache and a worse feeling that you’re supposed to be somewhere important. You are sitting in what resembles a giant bird’s NEST lined with COINS, ANIMAL SKELETONS, and BROKEN STRING INSTRUMENTS. You are somewhere in the mountains outside your village, but have no recollection as to how you came to be there. You turn around to see a large, red, smiling face with a lot of teeth and breath like a dead goat.

Red Dragon: Hey, sorry about your head. I accidentally banged you against a rock when I grabbed you – I forget how squishy you humans are! But it’s great that you’re awake! I really need some dating advice, and everyone knows that humans are into all that mushy lovey-dovey stuff. To start with, I wrote a love song, and I want your opinion on it.

Off in the distance, you hear another roar. Great.

Red Dragon: Ugh, that must be Jeremy. I told him that this is my courting ground and he needs to go find his own. Stay here, I’ll be back in a flash.

The dragon launches off the mountainside, buffeting you with strong gusts of wind from its wings. By now you are very concerned. Being trapped in a dragon’s lair is bad enough, but it’s the singing/songwriting bits that really worry you - most dragons are notoriously bad singers and frightfully prone to taking criticism personally. A quick search of your pockets reveals that you have nothing but a PLANNER with you.

Game Prompt: Try entering a command like "EXAMINE OBJECT" or "TAKE THING".

> EXAMINE ???

There doesn't seem to be anything to do that with. OR Unknown command. OR It doesn't look like you can do that with the .

> EXAMINE NEST

The NEST is mostly made of tree trunks, most still with BRANCHES and green leaves.

> EXAMINE COINS

COINS of many currencies and denominations are scattered about.

> TAKE COINS

You pick up a handful of gold COINS off the ground, hoping the DRAGON doesn't notice.

> EXAMINE COINS (again)

COINS of many currencies and denominations are scattered about.

There is a noticeably empty area, devoid of coins, because you took some.

> TAKE COINS (again)

You've already taken some of the COINS. Let's not get greedy now.

> EXAMINE ANIMAL SKELETONS

A variety of animal carcasses, most still with little bits off flesh stuck to them.

> TAKE ANIMAL SKELETONS

You take a few small BONES, ignoring the smell of rotten meat.

> EXAMINE BONES

A variety of animal carcasses, most still with little bits off flesh stuck to them.

> EXAMINE BROKEN STRING INSTRUMENTS

Musical instruments are everywhere, all smashed or broken in half. You wonder if the dragon enjoys breaking them, or just thinks that's how they're supposed to be played.

> EXAMINE PLANNER

The planner is full of dates and times. On the page with today’s date, you are apparently supposed to be at the Pink Dragon Café at 6 o’clock for dinner. A folded note is stuck between the pages.

> EXAMINE NOTE

“I yearn for you tragically, and cannot wait to finally see you again.” At the bottom it lists the same place, date and time to meet as in the planner.

> LEAVE NEST

How do you plan to do that? Try being more specific.

> CLIMB DOWN



Mountain Path

You clamber up the branches and out of the NEST. A very overgrown and narrow PATH winds back and forth along the mountainside. It doesn’t look like anyone has used it in quite some time, though there is an occasional piece of rusty ARMOR scattered about.

> EXAMINE PATH

There doesn't seem to be anything to do that with.

> EXAMINE ARMOR

The armor is rusty, dented, and in some places melted or chewed.

> TAKE ARMOR

This armor is so badly damaged that it is unwearable, but you pick up a bit of the rusty metal anyway.

> FOLLOW PATH

You stumble down the steep slope, tripping over rocks and roots and bits of knights. The path comes to a cliff and turns left to follow along the edge. You pass by a burned human SKELETON crumpled amid a mass of rusted-through ARMOR and an old BATTLE AXE. Nearby you can see where a large ROCK was charred by dragon fire. There is an unblackened, heroically posed silhouette of the would-be dragon slayer still visible on its surface.

You soon encounter a TREE growing right between two large boulders and are unable to progress any further along your current route, but another PATH forks off to the LEFT and goes a little way back up the slope.

> EXAMINE SKELETON

At least he went out swinging.

> EXAMINE ARMOR

A rusty bit of armor that is more likely to cut you than give you any protection.

> EXAMINE BATTLE AXE

A very large, rusty battle AXE.

> EXAMINE ROCK

Whoever the knight was, he was much larger and a lot more foolhardy than you.

> EXAMINE TREE

What an inconvenient place for a tree to grow.

> TAKE TREE

Don't be absurd, you can't take this with you.

> LICK TREE

You get close to the tree and—actually no. I'm not going to go there. That's strange.

You know what? I give up. You win. You've successfully weirded me out. And for what? To see if you could? Well, fine. You keep doing strange things without me. I'm leaving.

THE END

…

…You're still here?

Ugh. You don't know when to quit, do you? Well, if you're not going to leave, I guess I have no choice but to placate your demands until you reach the actual "THE END."

> TAKE SKELETON

You try to take a few BONES with you but the the ARMOR melted and cooled around them, fusing everything together into one heavy lump too large to carry.

> TAKE ARMOR

You try to take the ARMOR with you but the the dragon melted it and it cooled around the BONES, fusing everything together into one heavy lump too large to carry.

> TAKE BATTLE AXE

You pick up the AXE. It is very, very heavy. You won't be able to carry it for long.

> FOLLOW PATH

There is a TREE blocking your path. You won't be able to go forward until you deal with it.

> GO LEFT (Optional - gives access to the Mountain Path Fork, see the end for more)

> CHOP TREE WITH AXE

With great effort and much straining you manage to use to AXE to cut down the tree. If only there were a woodsman around. You consider taking the AXE with you but it is too big and unwieldy to carry all the way back.

> CHOP TREE WITH AXE (again)

You've already cut down the tree. You wonder if chopping everything in sight is a good idea, or if that's just the adrenaline talking.

> FOLLOW PATH

You hop over the TREE STUMP and continue your downward trek. The PATH eventually becomes less steep and easier to navigate. It appears as though this part of the trail is more frequently used, but the grass still grows up to your knees. Birch TREES now throw their shade over you, as opposed to the bare rock and spruces that grew higher up the mountain. You come around the corner and to your surprise and dismay the PATH comes to a dead end. You look around for some hidden continuation of the trail. There isn't much to be seen here except for some ROCKS and STICKS, as well as a large pile of dead LEAVES. Though wait—did you just see something shiny in the LEAVES?

> EXAMINE ROCK

You look at one of the rocks. It is indeed a rock.

> TAKE ROCK

You put the rock in your pocket. If you believe hard enough, it is a lucky rock.

> LICK ROCK

It doesn't look like you can do that with the ROCK.

> EAT ROCK

Did you know that some birds swallow bits of gravel to help with digestion?

You, however, are no bird.

> EXAMINE STICK

This STICK was once part of a tree, reaching towards the sky in defiance of gravity. Now it is sitting on the ground, rotting and forgotten. Perhaps it is a metaphor for the human condition.

> TAKE STICK

You pick up the stick. It will look great in your stick collection.

> EXAMINE STICK (again)

A stick you found on the ground. It seems fairly useless.

> EXAMINE LEAVES

Entrance Cavern

You start sifting through the leaves. The ground suddenly gives way, and despite some impressive windmilling of your arms you tumble forward, fall for a few seconds, and then land with a flump on a large pile of more LEAVES. That was lucky!

You brush the LEAVES off your clothes and look around you. You are in an earthen cave with TREE ROOTS sticking out of the ceiling. Two TUNNELS lead away from you—one to the EAST, and one to the SOUTH.

> EXAMINE TREE ROOTS

Is this what people mean when they refer to the "root of the problem?"

> EXAMINE LEAF

They took their leave of the branches.

> TAKE LEAF

You grab a handful of dead leaves and shove them in your pockets.

> EXAMINE TUNNEL

A large tunnel in the earth, sloping downwards. It may have been carved long ago by an underground river.

> GO EAST

Cultist's Grotto

This cave is full of dust and cobwebs, but old MANA LANTERNS line the walls and still give off enough light to see by. The WALLS have been carved with strange symbols and figures, and a large stone block resembling an ALTAR sits in the middle of the room. A tunnel to the west leads back the way you came.

> TAKE MANA LANTERN

You tug on one of the lanterns but it is bolted to the wall.

> EXAMINE WALL

You don't recognize the language of the symbols, but a common motif is something resembling octopus tentacles.

> EXAMINE ALTAR

A large, rectangular stone block. You look closely near the top and see that there is a seam, as if the altar has a LID that could be removed.

> LIFT LID

You heave the LID of the altar off the base, revealing a small hidden chamber. Inside is some sort of FLUTE carved from a sea shell. You pick it up as a souvenir.

> EXAMINE FLUTE

A conch shell with some holes in it.

> PLAY/USE FLUTE

You blow the horn but it doesn't seem to make any noise. Useless piece of junk.

Thousands of leagues away at the bottom of the ocean, an ancient evil awakens.

> PLAY/USE FLUTE (again)

You try to blow the useless horn again. No dice.

In the ocean, the ancient evil wonders where the snooze button is.

> GO BACK/WEST

Entrance Cavern

You are in an earthen cave with TREE ROOTS sticking out of the ceiling. Two TUNNELS lead away from you—one to the EAST, and one to the SOUTH. There is a hole in the ceiling through which daylight is shining through, and a large pile of dead LEAVES on the floor.

> GO SOUTH

Northeast Cavern

You are in an uncomfortably warm cavern. All around you there are giant clusters of brightly glowing CRYSTALS, some as thick around as a tree trunk and others the width of a pencil. To the south and the east you can see tunnels stretching down into pitch black darkness, and to the north a tunnel slopes slightly upward.

> EXAMINE CRYSTAL

It’s a clear piece of rock that contains some sort of glowing mana.

> TAKE CRYSTAL

You break of one of the smaller crystals, damaging a unique geological formation thousands of years in the making but obtaining a useful light source.

> EXAMINE CRYSTAL (again)

A mana crystal. It's a shame anyone who can do magic leaves your town for the city.

> GO EAST

The cave you exit into would be fairly unremarkable if not for the horse-sized SPIDER crouched on the far side of the room. There is another tunnel that continues further EAST but it is completely blocked by the creature’s large, hairy body. The spider doesn’t seem to see you so you beat a quiet but hasty retreat back the way you came.

> GO SOUTH

Northwest Cavern

You enter the southern tunnel and walk for a while, noticing that it has a distinct downward slope. The air becomes cooler and damper and some slimy glowing FUNGUS is growing on the walls. Eventually you come to an underground lake. Sitting against the far wall is a SKELETON, and to the north is the tunnel you entered from.

> EXAMINE LAKE

The water is very still and cold. There are probably monsters living in it.

> ENTER LAKE

You’ve read enough fantasy novels to know that there's at least one giant octopus living in here. Bad idea!

> EXAMINE SKELETON

The SKELETON appears to be human. Mostly. It is clutching a heart shaped BOX to its chest and a SWORD across its lap.

> TAKE SKELETON

Come on, have some respect for the dead!

> TAKE SWORD

You don’t actually know how to use a sword but it might come in handy!

> EXAMINE SWORD

A sword you took from a skeleton. You can't use it very well but they don't know that.

> TAKE BOX

You take the box, breaking off one of the skeleton's arms in the process (oops). The box contains some bits of what might have once been chocolate, and some old yellowed cards with cutesy sayings like "You got a dandy pair of gams on ya" and "I'd love to take you out for a soda at the drive-in" on them.

> GO NORTH

Northeast Cavern

> GO EAST

East Cavern

The cave you exit into would be fairly unremarkable if not for the horse-sized SPIDER crouched on the far side of the room. There is another tunnel that continues further EAST but it is completely blocked by the creature's large, hairy body.

Emboldened by your new sword, you hold the CRYSTAL up and see that the spider's eight eyes are all leaking what appears to be tears, and it sounds like it is sobbing.

> TALK TO SPIDER

SPIDER: I am so sad and alone! No one loves me because I am an enormous hairy spider. No one ever gives me anything for Valentine's Day...

> ASK SPIDER ON DATE (optional)

The spider is too sad to say yes.

> GIVE BOX TO SPIDER (option 1)

You give the spider one of the old Valentine's cards.

SPIDER: Really? For me?

It looks a lot more cheerful now. You politely ask if the tunnel behind it leads towards the exit.

SPIDER: Oh yes, it's just through there. Please, take this.

The SPIDER hands you a Valentine's card of its own and steps away from the tunnel. The card reads, "I think WE'B be grEIGHT together!"

You turn the card over. It appears to have been written on the back of a page torn out of a book called Spellcasting for Dunces (Beginner's Spells for Everyday Use!) Your page has instructions for using the Spell of Resilience:

"Enter the text 'Cast Spell of Resilience on' followed by the item of your choice. This will make the item unbreakably hard for the next several minutes.

For example, Debbie needs to enchant the castle doors to withstand the invading king's battering ram. Debbie types 'Cast Spell of Resilience on doors' and the doors will be impossible to break down until the spell wears off. Good job, Debbie!"

> CAST SPELL (at anytime after receiving spell)

You need a target to do that.

> ASK SPIDER ON DATE (again) (optional - adds another option in the end)

You have a brief but passionate affair before differences in life goals prompt you to end the relationship. Even so, it will always have a special place in your heart.

> ATTACK SPIDER WITH SWORD (option 2)

You brandish your sword at the spider threateningly.

SPIDER: Why do you have be so insensitive? Can't you see I'm sad?

The spider skitters off and disappears into a surprisingly small crack in the wall.

> GO EAST



Forest Cave

You are in a cave with a sandy floor opening onto the edge of a large forest. A great variety of GEMS, GOLD, and shiny bits of JUNK are arranged in what appears to be the shape of a smiley face. Dragons are so weird.

The FOREST is the fastest way to get back to your village, but you’ve heard rumors that it is haunted by a cursed race of human-like creatures. Hopefully your sword will be enough to scare off anything that might be dangerous.

> EXAMINE GEM

A wide assortment of gemstones and a handful of mana crystals.

> EXAMINE GOLD

You stop to consider the wisdom in humans using metal coins as currency in a world populated by dragons.

> EXAMINE JUNK

One man’s trash is a romantic dragon’s treasure, it would seem.

> TAKE GEM/GOLD/JUNK

You would like to take something from the cave, but don’t want to risk having a second dragon after you. Best leave it where it is.

> EXAMINE FOREST

An ancient forest. There sure are a lot of trees in there!

> ENTER FOREST



Forest

You start walking through the forest, looking about you for any signs of movement. Soon the path comes to a RIVER that you know flows towards your village. You briefly consider riding down it in a barrel, but then remember that it’s been done before.

> EXAMINE RIVER

The river is too deep to wade across and too fast to swim through. You consider following it back to town.

> DRINK FROM RIVER

The water is opaque with mud but you drink it anyway. Who doesn’t love dysentery?

> CROSS RIVER (optional - gives access to the Forest Detour, see the end for more)

> FOLLOW RIVER

You begin following the river, happy to have found a definitive sign that you’re approaching your village. Suddenly, you hear a loud snap, as if some large, sneaky woodland creature is approaching you from behind. You turn around, gripping the sword in sweaty hands.

Standing before you is a tall, friendly-looking WOODSMAN in a plaid shirt with a long beard and carrying an axe.

PAUL: Hello traveler, nice to meet you!

PAUL: My people sent me here to greet you

PAUL: My name is Paul, I have an axe

PAUL: And we had better leave here fast!

PAUL: The Beaver Nation has forbade

PAUL: Men to travel in this glade

PAUL: So come be quick, let’s leave this path!

PAUL: Or else you’ll face their dark king’s wrath!

You stare at the woodsman in horror. This must be the rumored curse the people of the forest are doomed to suffer! But…beavers? You’ve never even heard of one, and assume that it is some cult of mana-ridden fanatics. You ask Paul what he means.

PAUL: We are doomed to speak in verse!

PAUL: Our kind and beavers are at odds

PAUL: We lost the fight but gained a curse

PAUL: And now our kind has been outlawed!

PAUL: If they find you in their wood

PAUL: Upon you they may cast their spell!

PAUL: So get out of here we should

PAUL: Or else you’ll join our living hell!

You tell Paul that you don’t have time for a detour – you have only a few hours to get back to your village for a very important engagement, and there must be some way through without angering this Beaver King. You aren’t even a woodsman – why would he see you as a threat?

PAUL: Why didn’t I think of that?!

PAUL: We can talk our way out of this spat!

PAUL: He’ll forgive us I’m sure

PAUL: And give us the cure

PAUL: And we’ll be friends with that overgrown rat!

This sounds reasonable to you. You ask Paul to take you to the Beaver King.

PAUL: That was a joke! A laugh! A gag! We shall do nothing but wave the white flag!

You are not sure whether to INSIST HE TAKES YOU or to IGNORE HIM AND KEEP WALKING.

> IGNORE HIM (optional - gives access to the Old Mill, see the end for more)

> INSIST HIM

You inform PAUL that you’re not afraid of this king and that he had better take you or else. You wave your sword around a little for effect, but he seems more concerned about the volume of your voice than anything.

PAUL:Not so loud, you’ll draw them here

PAUL:Fine, all right, I’ll take you

PAUL:But when your head is on a pike

PAUL:Expect me to forsake you

PAUL:Go along the river

PAUL:Then take the next left

PAUL:I’m not going with you

PAUL:I’d be going to my death

PAUL runs off into the bushes and you continue along the river. After about 20 minutes you come to a branch in the path, following a creek to the left. You turn and follow it. It appears as though the creek was once a much larger body of water but now much of its former bed is dry. As you proceed the forest becomes quieter and quieter and you have a sense of a great evil stealing over it. The trees here are older, and every so often you encounter a peculiar stump that ends in a point as if some creature chewed through it. The fate of the river becomes apparent as you encounter a large pond formed by a dam built right where the water used to run.

You hear a rustling in the bushes and a very strange CREATURE emerges. It looks like a giant rat but has a flat, paddle-like tail, glossy fur, and is wearing a strange assortment of human clothing including a feather-topped pirate hat, a tailcoat, and a women’s riding skirt.

CREATURE: Aha! A trespasser! Speak, knave, why are you skulking about in lands your kind has been vanquished from?!

You consider ASKING IT TO IDENTIFY ITSELF. Or should you TELL IT TO JUMP IN A LAKE?

> ASK IT TO IDENTIFY ITSELF

BEAVER: I am a beaver! We took these lands from the woodsmen after conquering them in the 100 Sticks Wars! As a human, you are no longer allowed in the lands they once controlled!

Now finally knowing what a beaver is, you ask the creature why it hates the Woodsmen.

BEAVER: The beaver and the woodsman are natural enemies! They both seek the same thing, but we cannot have two races of tree cutters in a forest! There can only be one!

You aren’t sure that you buy this explanation, and again consider telling the beaver to JUMP IN A LAKE. However, you know that your time would be better spent trying to FIND THE BEAVER KING.

> FIND THE BEAVER KING



Beaver Court

You ask the creature where you can find the BEAVER KING, for you have something important to discuss with it.

BEAVER: We shall go to him, and you shall pay for trespassing upon our lands!

With that, four more beaver-creatures emerge from where they were crouched in the bushes around you. They all look more or less identical to the first, but these are all wielding long spears that appear to have been chewed from larger pieces of wood. They brandish their weapons at you threateningly. Things looking decidedly less positive, you decide it best to allow them to herd you forward.

The BEAVERS force you through the woods for a few minutes before you emerge into a large clearing alongside a lake. It is full of chewed-down stumps and more beavers in all manner of dress. Like the first BEAVER you encountered, they seem to have pieced their wardrobes together with little regard to current fashion, but to each his own you suppose. At the far end of the clearing there is a large throne made of slightly chewed pine logs, and sitting upon it the largest BEAVER you have seen thus far. It is wearing a resplendent, fur-trimmed cape and a crown made of material you don’t recognize bearing the words, “BURGER KING.”

All the BEAVERS turn and stare at you and your captors as they march you over towards the throne. The BEAVER KING stares down at you imperiously.

BEAVER KING: Human! Your kind have been warned not to step foot in our kingdom. You will be gravely punished for your transgression.

For whatever reason only two responses occur to you. Should you BEG FOR MERCY or CALL HIM A BAD RULER?

> EXAMINE BEAVER (optional)

The beaver eyes you suspiciously.

BEAVER: What are you looking at?

> ATTACK BEAVERS WITH SWORD (optional)

You aren't completely hopeless and know better than to try and fight a small army of giant angry rodents.

> GIVE KING THE PAINTING (optional - only if you took the Old Mill detour and took the painting)

You take out the painting and ask the BEAVER KING where it came from, if the BEAVERS and the woodsmen were natural enemies. He stares at it in shock for a moment.

BEAVER KING: Where did you get this? How… I had forgotten.

A single tear rolls dramatically down his cheek.

BEAVER KING: Jack and I were such great friends in our youth, before the war broke out. We were inseparable. All we wanted was to cut down trees and work to better the forest. And then he was killed in a freak tree-cutting accident. Killed by a woodsman who did not shout “Timber!” as he was felling a tree!

If anything, the BEAVER KING now looks even angrier. Should you BEG FOR MERCY or CALL HIM A BAD RULER?

> CALL HIM A BAD RULER

You tell the BEAVER KING that marginalizing those he conquers is a poor way to gain their loyalty, and that you hope all of his decisions aren’t so foolhardy.

The BEAVER KING scratches his head, perhaps thoughtfully (though you wonder if he doesn’t have fleas.)

Should you CONDEMN HIS SPECIESISM or PROVOKE HIM?

> PROVOKE HIM (optional)

You call the BEAVER KING a giant, sewer-dwelling, garbage-eating rat. The beavers surrounding you go quiet, as if that were a step too far.

If anything, the BEAVER KING now looks even angrier. Should you BEG FOR MERCY or CALL HIM A BAD RULER?

> BEG FOR MERCY (optional)

You implore the BEAVER KING not to hurt you, arguing reasonably that you’re too young to die.

If anything, the BEAVER KING now looks even angrier. Should you BEG FOR MERCY or CALL HIM A BAD RULER?

> CONDEMN HIS SPECIESISM

You point out to the BEAVER KING that there really isn’t all that much difference between his people and the Woodsmen. Both have the same mission- to harvest wood from the forest in a sustainable, environmentally friendly way. You point out that he is judging on appearances rather than what is on the inside. After all, we all have livers.

The BEAVER KING chitters his long front teeth as he considers your words.

Should you APPEAL TO HIS GOOD NATURE or IMPLY THAT HE IS COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING?

> IMPLY THE HE IS COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING (optional)

You question the BEAVER KING’s motivations for wanting to fight the woodsmen so badly. Perhaps he is trying to make up for something he lacks?

If anything, the BEAVER KING now looks even angrier. Should you BEG FOR MERCY or CALL HIM A BAD RULER?

> APPEAL TO HIS GOOD NATURE

You implore the BEAVER KING to consider the needs of all his subjects, as he is surely a magnanimous ruler and wants the best for everyone.

The BEAVER KING smacks his tail against the throne pensively.

Should you SUGGEST AN ALLIANCE or INSULT HIS MOTHER?

> INSULT MOTHER (optional)

You suggest that the BEAVER KING’S mother had no fur and was bad at chewing down trees. The BEAVERS around you gasp in horror at your audacity.

The BEAVER KING gnashes his long front teeth.

BEAVER KING: I am not convinced, human! You’ll have to try better than that!

If anything, the BEAVER KING now looks even angrier. Should you BEG FOR MERCY or CALL HIM A BAD RULER?

> SUGGEST AN ALLIANCE

You speculate that the Beaver Nation could chop down twice as many trees if they could set their differences aside and work with the Woodsmen. Think of all the ponds and early successional habitats they could create!

The BEAVER KING chews on a stick, looking troubled.

BEAVER KING: You know, I think you may be right. I had not considered that our differences might be an asset and strengthen the kingdom, and that all this fighting is just weakening us. Bring the LORD OF THE WOODSMEN!

Two of the BEAVER guards scurry off, and return shortly dragging a woodsman between them. Like Paul he has a beard and a plaid shirt, but judging by his ragged appearance and lack of ax you guess that he has been their prisoner for some time.

BEAVER KING: Woodsman, I am setting you free with my official apologies! I wish for you to return to your people and offer them a truce, to unite our kingdoms and work together. This human has shown me that we are not natural enemies at all, but natural allies! I will lift the curse I have placed upon you and lift the ban on your entering our territory.

The woodsman looks as though he doesn’t fully believe all of this.

WOODSMAN: We will consent to work with you for the good of all who dwell in the forest, beaver. It may take time for us to overcome all of the bad blood that has come between us, but if you are true to your word I think we will be strong allies and improve the lives of everyone.

You leave the BEAVER KING’s court with the Woodsman and travel together until you return to the river.

LORD OF THE WOODSMEN: It does seem strange not to speak in verse any longer. In any event, my people and I offer you our thanks. You have improbably settled an age-old dispute and we are all in your debt. Should you ever need something chopped down we will be there without hesitation. In the meantime, take this.

He gives you his axe, returned to him by the BEAVERS. It has a coat of arms stamped into the side of the blade displaying a pine tree over two crossed axes.

It appears that you may CONTINUE ONTO THE BATTLEMENTS

> EXAMINE AXE

A gift from the LORD OF THE WOODSMEN. It has a coat of arms stamped into the side of the blade displaying a pine tree over two crossed axes.

> CONTINUE ONTO THE BATTLEMENTS

Battlements

You glance at your wrist-mounted sundial and realize that you are running late and had better hurry if you want to make your meeting on time. You start to jog through the remaining woods and soon the battlements of the wall surrounding your village are visible. You are about to reach the gate when you hear a horrible, horrible sound. It sounds almost like…but no, it can’t be. You hear the screaming of your fellow villagers as a giant shadow sweeps over the village.

With a massive crash, something giant and red ploughs into the stone wall, sending rubble and dust everywhere. The horrible noise stops and the DRAGON whose nest you escaped turns around to look at you standing at the edge of the woods.

DRAGON: There you are! Come here, I’ve just been improving the lyrics and I really need your opinion!

You can see the gate standing open between the dragon’s front legs, the rocks framing it miraculously still intact…you could probably make it if you run.

> SING DRAGON (a bit of a bug, you can sing at him too early)

> RUN TO GATES



Village Streets

You dash forward, scramble over the rubble that was once the village wall, dart between the dragon’s front legs and through the gate. You’re a person on a mission, and no amorous dragon is going to stop you.

You’ve come out on the main street (if you can call it a street) and see around you the many charming shops, stalls, and garbage piles that line it. You see the town has been decorated for the annual Spring Festival, with STREAMERS running from every possible attachment point and FLOWERS scattered everywhere. Rising above the more modest storefronts is the familiar sight of the Ye Olde Patisserie, distinguished by the giant doughnut sculpture its owner “Oily” Koek had installed on top. The townsfolk all call it an eyesore, but old Oily insists that he has a right to advertise his shop, even in a historic neighborhood. You see that someone has even tied a STREAMER from the giant doughnut to the blacksmith’s shop.

DRAGON: Hey! Where are you going?

The dragon pulls itself out of the demolition zone and begins to stomp after you, tearing down decorations and STREAMERS as it goes. A horrible screeching noise once again begins to issue from its mouth. You stick your fingers in your ears and keep going, ignoring the renewed screaming from your neighbors.

DRAGON: OHHHHH RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR BABY I’VE ONLY GOT EYES FOR YOU RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR RAWR!

At the end of the street you can see the Pink Dragon Café, an institution known for its haute cuisine (weevil bread). If you tried to run there the dragon would surely catch you now that it’s not encumbered by several tons of rock—you’ll have to be more creative than that.

> CAST SPELL OF RESILIENCE ON STREAMERS (option 1)

You take off running down the street and prepare to cast the spell the spider gave you. It is very distracting to attempt a new skill with a dragon thundering along behind you and you wonder if it even worked as you say the incantation and nothing obvious happens. You dart past the doughnut shop, the dragon hot on your heels. There is a sudden loud crash, a screech, and a clanging noise and something heavy falls and shakes the ground behind you. You stop and turn around, and are shocked to see the dragon with its head and shoulders trapped inside the giant doughnut sculpture and both the smithy and the doughnut shop itself in ruins.

DRAGON: Hey, what was that for?

You would like to tell the dragon what you really think of its singing, but after considering its size and teeth you instead tell it that if it wants to find a mate it should try to be itself.

DRAGON: You know, I never thought about it that way. Hmm…you’re right. Music isn’t really my thing. Being gigantic and bloodthirsty and having lots of gold and kidnapped princesses is what matters most. If the dragons here can’t appreciate that about me, then maybe I should find ones who do!

With that, the dragon takes off and is soon a speck in the distance, leaving your path to the cafe open.

> SING TO DRAGON (option 2)

You turn to face the dragon, fingers still in ears. Enough is enough, and it’s time to give this dragon a taste of its own medicine. Hoping that none of your friends are listening, you throw back your head and begin to belt out the first song you can think of as loudly as possible.

DRAGON: Wow, that’s the worst sound I’ve ever heard! You really shouldn’t forcibly subject us to that cacophony you call music, that’s just rude.

You would like to tell the dragon what you really think of its singing, but after considering its size and teeth you instead tell it that if it wants to find a mate it should try to be itself.

DRAGON: You know, I never thought about it that way. Hmm…you’re right. Music isn’t really my thing. Being gigantic and bloodthirsty and having lots of gold and kidnapped princesses is what matters most. If the dragons here can’t appreciate that about me, then maybe I should find ones who do!

With that, the dragon takes off and is soon a speck in the distance, leaving your path to the cafe open.

> SING AGAIN or SING TO YOURSELF

You sing a verse of song. Everyone cringes.

> ENTER CAFE

Pink Dragon Café

You sigh with relief and walk down the street to the Pink Dragon Café.

The cafe is small but relatively clean, with a number of tables and mismatched chairs crammed inside. Every surface has been painted bright pink and decorated with hearts, flowers, and drawings of frilly-looking dragons. Your date is waiting for you at one of the tables. Finally, you sit down and join them.

The date goes well enough, and as you are preparing to part ways you are faced with a decision. Should you REMAIN GOOD FRIENDS? Or should you CONFESS your true and undying romantic FEELINGS?

> REMAIN GOOD FRIENDS (option 1)

You tell your date that you had a wonderful time and greatly appreciate their friendship. The two of you simultaneously jump into the air and exchange the World’s Best High-Five, and then hug each other goodbye. You bid them goodnight and return to your home, reflecting on how lucky you are - for as the great poet-philosopher Jean-Claude Van Damme once said, “Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer.”

> CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS (option 2 - opens two more options if you asked the spider on a date)

You express your true feelings for you date. They smile as they tell you they feel the same way. You feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach as you imagine spending more time together. You part ways for the evening with plans to meet again tomorrow. As you walk home there is a spring in your step and you feel very hopeful for the future.

OR (if you asked the spider on a date)

The evening goes well enough, but you can’t help but feel like you’re missing something. For one, your date has only two eyes, four limbs, and isn’t covered in thick, bristly black hair. You can’t help but wonder – is your special someone actually a giant tarantula?

Should you STAY WITH YOUR DATE or RETURN TO THE SPIDER?

> REMAIN GOOD FRIENDS (again) (optional - gives a line of additional text)

You've already begun your moral dilemma; there's no turning back now.

> STAY WITH YOUR DATE (option 3 - if asked the spider on a date) (apparently this command does nothing)

There doesn't seem to be anything to do that with.

> RETURN TO THE SPIDER (option 4 - if asked the spider on a date)

Your adventures today have shown you that following your heart is the truest way to happiness. Sadly you tell your date that while you like them very much, you must be honest and are afraid that it is not going to work out. You part ways after expressing a hope that the two of you can remain good friends.

You check that your sword is buckled tightly to your belt and your axe slung securely across your back. You know you need to return to that cave to find your eight-legged true love. Night is fallen, and you hope that you look impressive as you stride out of town under the last rays of the twilight sun. You climb over the fallen stones of the wall and set out into the forest, on to new adventures and your own happily ever after.

THE END

Possible Detours in the Story

(This is the detour in the story at the Mountain Path with the tree.)

> GO LEFT

Mountain Path Fork

You decide to go up the little PATH and see if it is a way down. It is steep and doesn't go in the direction you want to go in, but it could turn back later and has a helpful lack of trees. Alongside the PATH, you see evidence of more failed mountaineering and dragon-slaying expeditions. Among the refuse you see an abandoned PICKAXE and a small piece of ARMOR with an ARROW poking out of it.

> EXAMINE PICKAXE

There doesn't seem to be anything to do that with.

> EXAMINE ARMOR

A rusty bit of armor that is more likely to cut you than give you any protection.

> EXAMINE ARROW

There doesn't seem to be anything to do that with.

> TAKE PICKAXE

You decide to take the strange PICKAXE with you. Maybe you could use it as firewood.

> TAKE ARMOR/ARROW

The items make an interesting keepsake so you decide to take them with you.

> FOLLOW PATH

Cliff

The path ends abruptly at a vertical CLIFF. Looking around for a way to continue, you are surprised to see a HORSE casually standing half way up the CLIFF and wonder if there is a way up. It doesn't look passable, but if the HORSE got up there...

> EXAMINE CLIFF

Looking closely, you can't see a single decent foothold. You are mystified as to how the HORSE got up there until it moves off the ledge it's standing on and starts climbing straight up the CLIFF face. You stand and watch until it reaches the top and disappears.

> EXAMINE HORSE

There doesn't seem to be anything to do that with.

> CLIMB CLIFF

It doesn't look like you can do that with the CLIFF.

> USE PICKAXE

There doesn't seem to be anything to do that with.

> GO BACK (end of detour)

(This is the detour in the story at the Forest with the bridge.)

> CROSS RIVER

Forest Detour

You cross the creaky old BRIDGE and go down the GAME TRAIL, leaving the main PATH and RIVER behind. You have some extra time, and might as well explore while you're out here.

The forest creatures all seem to scatter as you pass, and soon it is very quiet. You start to feel a bit unnerved at the sudden silence, but don't see anything obviously dangerous. Perhaps the rumors are just stories after all. With no monsters come spilling out from behind the trees you feel a bit more confident and start walking more quickly.

Something swoops above you and a giant shadow crosses your path. You stumble backwards, dropping your SWORD and falling into a BRAMBLE BUSH. You hear the sound again, but closer. Your SWORD is just out of arm's reach and will take a few seconds to get a hold of, and you can't get to your pockets without shoving your arms into a nest of thorns. You look around for something to defend yourself with more immediately, but only see some MUSHROOMS and ACORNS.

> TAKE MUSHROOMS

You rip a handful of the mushrooms from the ground.

> TAKE ACORNS

You grab a handful of acorns.

> THROW ACORNS

You throw the acorns in the direction of the noise. You weren't really hoping for much, and they clatter against a tree trunk without much of an effect.

You hear the noise again and throw your arms up to protect your face as a squirrel hops down and picks up one of the acorns. Typical.

> PET SQUIRREL

Touching wildlife is not a smart idea, even if it is cute and fluffy.

> THROW ACORNS (again)

You throw some more acorns to the squirrel. One of them nearly hits it and it chitters at you indignantly and runs away.

> PET SQUIRREL (again)

You already scared it off!

> CUT BUSHES WITH SWORD

You lean sideways and grab at the handle of your sword. You finally gain a hold on the hilt and then use the blade to saw away at the brambles and cut yourself free.

> CUT BUSHES WITH SWORD (again)

You slash at the BRAMBLES one more time for good measure.

> FOLLOW SQUIRREL

Acorn Tree

You push through the bushes and eventually reach an old oak tree. At the base is a small MOUNTAIN OF ACORNS.

> TAKE ACORNS

You've already picked up some acorns, but you take a few more just in case.

> GO BACK

Forest Detour

> GO BACK (end of detour)

(This is the detour in the story at the Forest when ignoring the woodsman.)

> IGNORE HIM

Forest

You tell Paul that you don’t have time for his petty squabbles with woodland creatures. You march past him.

PAUL: By the beard that’s on my head

PAUL: Something furry this way treads

PAUL: Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

You leave him behind and continue along the river. The sun is shining brightly and soon you are very warm in your winter clothing. Just when you were thinking that you’d like to take a break from all this hiking you see a building through the trees ahead. You approach and see that it is an old, abandoned MILL, complete with a broken, mossy WATERWHEEL. The door has rotted and fallen in, revealing the pitch-black interior. The PATH continues on the other side of the MILL.

> EXAMINE MILL

The stone walls are still standing, but the building is covered in moss and ivy and looks as though it has been deserted for some time.

> EXAMINE WATERWHEEL

It doesn't look like it's worked for quite some time.

> ENTER MILL

Old Mill

You step over the leaf-covered doorway and into the old building. It is much cooler inside the stone walls and smells like mold and dead leaves. It is quite dark inside, except for one corner where the roof has fallen in and light strikes a rickety old desk in the corner. You can see the outline of the MILLSTONE in the middle of the room.

> EXAMINE DESK

The desk is falling apart and topped with little bits of rubble and few scraps of paper. Most of the papers are RECORDS of some description, but there is one small PAINTING that is faded and spotted with water damage.

> EXAMINE RECORDS

They appear to be accounting notes and shipping manifests for lumber. It seems that whoever wrote them uses a different calendar than the rest of the realm.

> TAKE RECORDS

Who knows when you’ll need some old, outdated shipping records.

> EXAMINE PAINTING

The painting depicts a man who looks like strikingly like Paul, from his beard to his plaid button-down shirt, standing arm and arm with a very large, rodent-like creature with long front teeth.

> TAKE PAINTING

You tuck the painting away into your pocket.

> GO BACK

Forest

> FOLLOW PATH

You leave the mill behind and keep walking. The river becomes narrower and even faster, with white water bubbling over hidden rocks.

Suddenly, you hear a rustling in the bushes and a very strange creature emerges. It looks like a giant rat but has a flat, paddle-like tail, glossy fur, and is wearing a strange assortment of human clothing including a lovely wide-brimmed hat decorated with red ribbons, a cape, and a pair of leather pants.

CREATURE: Who dares trod unasked in the realm of the Beaver King?!

You consider asking WHAT IS A BEAVER or telling the creature to SHOVE OFF.

> SHOVE OFF (optional)

BEAVER: Idiot human, we cannot shove off as we are not on a boat.

> WHAT IS A BEAVER

BEAVER: The beaver is the most noble creature to ever walk this land! With its shapely paddle tail, gracefully proportioned yet perfectly efficient chisel teeth, and, most importantly, superior military strength to those woodsmen scum!

Now happily informed of the wonderful qualities of beaver-kind, you ask the creature why it hates the Woodsmen.

BEAVER: The beaver and the woodsman are natural enemies! They both seek the same thing, but we cannot have two races of tree cutters in a forest! There can only be one!

You aren’t sure that you buy this explanation, and again consider telling the beaver to SHOVE OFF. However, you know that your time would be better spent trying to FIND THE BEAVER KING.

> FIND THE BEAVER KING (end of detour)

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